TFL for mondays…

 

 

don’t blog & cry

like don’t drink and drive
don’t blog and cry
also, don’t text and talk

 

3 TFL’s for the weekend, making up for when I was away.

 

but wow, all that angst and not much poetry came from it. I guess it was just one of those thunderstorms.

 

I’m writing a ten minute presentation on Kabuki dance, and its due tomorrow. the lighter I have floating in my possession also has a geisha on it – love me a good theme. that girl’s in Prague right now, lucky duck.

 

so I’m just chilling in the library all day- doing the community college thing. working hard at everything else besides scholastics. I have a Kanye approach to academics; a Kanye approach to life.

alright, maybe not that much, but at least listen to College Dropout and Graduation. good shit, good shit.

 

I listened to College Dropout so much when I was working at the god-forsaken film start up company, so it has a place somewhere in my heart. Then I also successfully dropped out of this…very prestigious, rigorous, community college facility for about a semester. semester and a half mentally. haha, and now I’m back.

 

don’t get me wrong, its not that I don’t value education. I think we are all constantly learning. degrees I could give two shits less about, but I don’t even have that many to begin with.

 

plus – there’s this movie that kind of changed my life actually, a lot of movies tend to do that. I’m no conspiracy theorist, although I do tend to mediate quite a bit of rage towards Monsanto, I also hate MobilExxon and Goldman Sachs.

Goldman Ballsacks, is what I like to call it.

 

but there are some things, a bit of things, a ton of things, that are going on right under our noses and a whole lot more going on behind our backs. “private corporations” have no business in our government. government protects the people, and T.J Maxx is not a person, sorry. neither is Marshall’s.

 

oh, whaaaat?

 

really.

 

I know we deserve at least a lot more of being ‘in the know’. concentrated money is concentrated power, and concentrated power is dangerous, in any hands. I don’t care how clean you think they are. I wouldn’t even want it on mine.

now to get started on that Kabuki paper…

 

occupy your life

 

&stay strong

 

xx.

love is a lie

 

 

and we have ate it since birth

I’m feeling a little pessimistic about it, if you couldn’t tell… 

 

but read on, it gets better with hope.

I guess its because I haven’t felt much of it – at all, in my short life. I do sometimes, when I’m alone. I feel the love of the earth. the universal love that nature has for us and we should have for it, but all too often we overlook that kind of love, and we search for it among people – and people will let you down, in one way or another, undoubtedly. small ways, big ways, trivial or monumental, you cannot rely on man, but you can always rely on the earth.

 

which is why I think I fight so hard to protect it. freedom & democracy in america is one thing,  but love and preservation of the earth is another. and the latter is what I’d be willing to die for. democracy is man made, and because of that, will fail. because man cannot get his goddamned shit together – but the earth has had its shit together for millenia; so just take a wild guess with who I’m siding with…

 

FUCK MONSANTO – they are the ant-christ, a devil in wolf’s clothing….

 

but its got too much goddamned money to fail.

 

I just need to take a shower and wash all this angst off me.

 

Mr. Big texts me, then I text him, and he doesn’t respond. so trivial I know. but I am in such a vulnerable spot – just moved out.. unwillingly, to live in a foreign home with distant relatives (which I hope become less distant with time, which will happen) but I am sad, goddammnit, I am sad and I’m alone. and I just want some kind of confirmation that there’s a soul out there who WANTS to care for me, not take care OF me, I’ve been doing that just fine for years, but I just want love.

 

and why is that so hard to come by?

 

Why are there some people out there afraid to love? what does it matter if it lasts the rest of your life if you just have it for the meantime and do it right? the only pain that can come from it, is when and if it ends. and if you get that kind of pain; that gnawing, crippling, life-altering kind of pain.. then you did it right, at least at some point you did it right.

 

I love Mr. Big, but is he too afraid to love me back the same way. and so what? do I stop? do I back up? do I persist? or do I wait?

 

I don’t have all the answers, and this is a prime example of it.

 

so the immediate answer is – take a shower & see what happens.

 

 

hoping for a brighter and better tomorrow

 

stay beautiful

&moreimporantly

 

love without fear of losing

 

xx.

 

day one

 

 

today’s a day of many firsts
most importantly for twofiftystudios

 

 

 

that corner office man, a place for all my plants. all my plans too, that’d be nice.

 

 

yeah, that’d be real nice. I’ll brush up on my computer literacy.. because really, even posting a picture in wordpress is like a fifteen minute saga. posting on twitter? a lot easier. I’m judgemathis on twitter. really, IAMJUDGEMATHIS. it used to be my aim screen name in high school. now a lot of people follow me that think I am actually the tv personality judge. I don’t have the heart to tell them otherwise.

 

website for twofifty is in the works. then we got some shorts to shoot, actors to audition and shit to do. I’m pretty excited, we also have to get literate on the law. which is a buzzkill for creative business, haha, but necessary for long term gigs. ya gotta grow if ya wanna grow – in all areas.

 

which makes a LOT of sense – especially right now in my life; there are many firsts going on & its all a little chaotic. but the Bradshaw Bonus is: if you let all the buzzkills get you down, you’re just gonna be sad & sober. lol – be a stoner! maybe not even a literal one. selectively obey the law and just do ya own thang. F the world. and take down Monsanto – they fucking suck.

 

gotta go pack my clothes & all my belongings because my mom is have a schizophrenic episode and is kicking me out – happy trails. And that is not an exaggeration. haha! FIGHT THE BUZZKILLS & keep trekking on

 

stay open
keeping loving

 

xx.