straight up on planet zero. like my own hero. with a cold beer yo.
Actually, I’m trying to cut down on the drinking these days. Its been a little incessant. Writing more, Drinking less.
Inspired by this Retrograde, I’ve taken to editing my latest project. There are really great things in there. Its amazing to see the life I lived a year ago this time, taking shape, names changed but the situations the same. It makes me a little happy nostalgic. And also a little scared. Because I’m scared my life was almost better in a way, a year ago.
Also inspired by this retrograde, severe introspective mind circles. Break them and you’re free. On to the next level. Ready for the next challenge. I am due for an upgrade soon. It feels like. But in reality, I’ve only been entirely on my own for one year, and I’m still alive so I’d say I’m doing pretty well. I did get a little bit of a late start in the game I guess you could say. Skipped the college bit and hustled hard. I did do a lot of bomb theatre though. Acting isn’t my main high anymore though. I’ve become almost too self conscious almost for that.
Isn’t that something strange? I feel I’ve become more self conscious as I age than the other way around. When I was in high school, I was a superstar. I was so sure of my skill. I was that “first name” “last name” kind of girl. And that fueled my fire in a way I never felt before. I really excelled. So I pushed my limits; took AP History even though my grades weren’t high enough, wrote poetry and started a novel. By the end of that school year I had racked up a few academic & creative awards, and outlined my first character breakdowns on the margins of my AP study guides.
A little bit of love can go a long way. And I think that’s the moral of this story here tonight. Because as I grew up, I graduated. I moved on right into the real world. Not a lot of college coddling. I saw the harsh reality that no one cares who you are and doesn’t care how cool your name sounds. They’ll hardly know you by your full name if they even remember that at all.
And if you want to overcome you take it in stride. Let it drive you. First I have to tell myself, I got this with or without ’em. That is the life lesson God keeps giving me. And that’s the life lesson I think I’ve been chronically skipping out on all this time. But this retrograde is here to help them Libras with a special focus on breaking cycles, becoming renewed.
reflect. renew. ride a bicycle.
I’ve realized also I am scared of making a big mistake and pushing a good guy out of my life, jumping to another to heal the <3ache. Prankster Penisface hasn’t left my mind since I broke up with him the first time while he was at work. He didn’t even know I left. I remember I was so sad that day. I took my roses back with me.
We were a little different then. I dropped everything, even my work in a way to be with him. Because I was chasing the attention but like a drug. I got addicted and needed it and spun out real hard when I didn’t have it. Love is a drug, don’t let a motherfucker tell you otherwise. The strongest one I’ve tried to date. And he’s got a really pure strain on his hands.
So lastly, inspired by this retrograde I’ve done some searching for that poor fellow. And I found him again and boom. fireworks. Explosions, mild to moderate burns on both sides. No visible scars.
And I just hope that there’s something more to this. That we can fix the past by building a better future.
just watch the winnebago man.
that guy is hilarious.