spring has motherfuckin sprung.
back out into venturing the great beyond. I’ve been out of weed for like almost a week now. ask me how I’m living still? I couldn’t tell ya. I think it has something to do with my peace pipe that I lost for a little while. some dope head had it. now I think there’s some opium resin mixed with my herb resin.
notttttttt complaining. not at all.
BIG transitions in the pagan world my friends. easter has passed, passover.. has passed. its a beautiful time of spiritual renewal.
This last full moon we had just so happened to be in my house. Libra goddess of goodness and peace. I was anticipating this beautiful night ritual with my other spooky sister witchy goddess friend. I had bought giant ass candles at a craft store. I wrote some words to say. I had precious beads I wanted to bless under the lunar magic. I had string we would cut and burn to signify any and everything we have in our lives holding us back. This was meant to be a time of cleansing, of healing, of love, beauty, mysticism, and rebirth.
For all of you beautiful, patient, and godforsaken souls who follow this derailed train of my life, you know I’m going through a kind of breakup that is still grinding a little bit of my gears. I’ve been feeling really let down, super disappointed in people. Feeling kind of like, I am the only person who I can truly rely on. everybody else is just on their own time man, their own time.
But then I think “no, I have to have more faith in people. because sometimes people don’t realize how much you bend out of your way to accommodate.”
NO. now I think. “fuck no. I am in this for myself.” Born alone, die alone. fuck these other bitches. Wanna know why?
The day of the brilliant blood moon, one of the MOST powerful moons coming in our recent time. The day had come. I have rehearsal like a real bitch. and I get a text that my spooky sister goddess friend isn’t around til later. she’s going on a bar date with her boyfriend. totally cool I should take a shower. I go home and find myself watching the Justin Bieber roast on youtube drinking beer and crying in bed (don’t ask). and then I get another text. Her boyfriend is going to sleep over. but “don’t worry he’s cool.”
I thought we had a whole spooky, cool, sister, lunar, mystic, tarot, candle, molly popping, girl party planned out? wtf am I supposed to do with this dude just sitting on the background, prob fantasizing about a threesome?! I don’t know?! Like, I’m sure he’s not a mystic!!!! I’m sure its totally not cool for me to bring over my giant ass crafty moon candles, light them reverently, and start like praying in front of this dude?! WTH.
I was really let down. I’m not sure in my inebriated, sarcastic, girl blog. carrie bradshaw state, if I can eloquently describe it. How let down I was because of this. It had to do with my own breakup (duh), and Libra is the house of partnerships. So of course she wanted to be with her boyfriend (no hard feelings, I’m just writing a blog). But I was jealous. I got a little green. And that wasn’t right. But I hid it from her, obviii. I still came over with my candles. But I did no rituals there.
I did my own at home and it was very, very different than what I imagined.
I cut my string, I burned my fears. I burned my jealousy of her love, I burned my insecurities. I blessed that big ass beautiful white moon candle. I asked my spirit guide, black panther, Bagheera to bless it with a shield of white magic protection. I cleaned my tarot cards. I prayed for thanks, that I am shown, the truth. That in a non-pessimistic way (if thats possible) I’ve seen that there is NO ONE, you can rely on but yourself. So I cut that string, and I burned that one too.
And its not like a black magic spell you can’t control. This is still in my hands. I have to wake up every day and remind myself, “rely on no one but yourself.” and that’s still kind of hard just cause I don’t grow my own weed or anything, and like I guess I can have sex with myself but I really like the D. The point is though, I have to stay strong. I have to protect my strength. Give up nothing!!!!! Stay true to your wild, whacky, fucked up, crazy ass. someone will love you. and those who do, whether they’re there 100% of the time or not, doesn’t matter. know they love you. unconditional is something not everyone is lucky enough to experience. I’m a really lucky sonnofabitch when I start to sit and think about it.
So I pray in thanks and I pray in earnest (wtf kind of word is that) that I keep getting my shit together one thread at a time. My best friend’s wedding is in fucking June. I’m RSVP-ing no to the other two I was invited to. Because fuck that shit. As much as I love to be all about “omg lunar love, hope, goddesses, peace and harmony”. There’s two sides to every fucking coin. And no, I’m alone, I’m a workaholic, lunatic, loveless loser. I don’t want to buy a gift, get a hotel room, and ride solo to your weddings. Love you, but you don’t even need my love. You’ve got a husband. I’m jelly.
Pele is a fierce goddess, Kali, Shiva too. I’m sure they all like “fuck these other bitches.”
love me some real power bitches.
that’s what I’m talking about.